Gift that Keeps on Giving…

12 Feb

So my husband and I are not exchanging gifts although I got a really sweet surprise yesterday in lue of a gift {more on that later}–but I wanted to let all the couples out there know about a really great gift that would continue to give as the years progressed.  IF you have read my blog from the very beginning you will know that I have talked about this gift before in this post.

The gift is a book called The 5 Love Languages.  It really works if both partners read the book at the same time {so buying two would be a great investment} and it allows you to understand your own “love language” and your partner’s love language.  The five languages {how you love to recieve love} are: words of affirmation, quality time, recieving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  Throughout the book you start to realize what your love language is and it gives you suggestions and ideas for telling your partner about your love language and when you partner reads the chapter it gives them suggestions on what their partner might be looking/wanting to feel loved.  It talks about if you are not the same love language and how to handle something that may be uncomfortable for you to do, but what your partner would love.  It also talks about which love languages are similiar and so it is easier for each partner to express what the other person is needing to feel loved.  It is a very quick read {for partners who hate reading!} and it is very easy to follow.  It does have a small undertone of religiousness to it, but it is very minor and nothing that would turn someone off to reading it

Just to get you thinking here are some of characteristics of the different love languages {can you figure your love language out? your partners?}:

Words of Affirmation: UNSOLICIETED comments mean the world to you. You absolutely love hearing “I love you”, “Thank You”, “You look great today”, “Dinner was great” etc.

Quality Time: Instead of words meaning the world to you…time means the world to you. Having undivided attention with your partner is what you absolutely loveeee.  Doing things together is the BEST!

Recieving Gifts: You are NOT materialistic. You thrive on the thoughfulness and effort behind the gift.  To you the gift and the price of the gift doesn’t matter–but the fact that they thought of you, and your wants and needs and took the time to get it is what makes you feel absolutely loved. 

Acts of Service: The words “Let me do that for you” is music to your ears.  A small act of vaccuuming, putting laundry away, doing the dishes makes you feel loved and speaks volumes to the person. Anything that would ease the burden for you really makes you feel special and loved.

Physical Touch: Not to be confused with loving sex.  It isn’t all about the bedroom {although it doesn’t hurt!}.  A person who loves physical touch is well, very touchy.  Loves hugs, holding hands, massages, and thoughtful touches on the arm. Physical attention makes them feel loved and appreciated and the way they like to show affection. 

Seems to simple to be true, right? Just read a book together with your partner and things will fall into place??? The short answer is YES! The long answer is that both need to take the book seriously and you need to have good discussion as you read the book and at the end to talk about what you learned about yourselves, your partner and each other.  It is the best tool that my husband and I used and our pastor at our wedding actually talked about how we changed once we read this book during our wedding ceremony.  it is that good. 

Some things that my husband and I hold on to after we have read the book…

-finding out what our love languages are and finding suggestions to make your partner feel loved.

-understanding that we are opposite love languages which makes it a little harder and uncomfortable to do the things that make our partner feel loved but that doing them are necessary to happiness in the relationship

-It really opened up my eyes in regards to my actions and what I was doing/not doing to make my partner feel loved {and vice versa}. 

-the things we have been doing for each other to show our love have been actually the things WE like for ourselves. GO FIGURE! I do surprises for my husband all. the. time. {because I loveeeeee surprises like no one’s business} Well come to find out he doesn’t even remotely feel as loved when I give him a surprise as if I rubbed his back when watching a movie. haha. {guess what love languages we are?haha}

-We are now more concious of our actions towards each other and we realize that although we have a primary love language that all four of these are important in a relationship at some level. 

So instead of getting a gift that will be stuck in a drawer and perhaps not used past the first day get two copies of this book and watch your relationship grow and see that this gift truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

NOTE: your partner may groan and gripe in doing this “project,” but stand your ground because in the end they will thank you and probably make their job easier at the end of the day!

So my love language is “recieving gifts” {and yes I did feel materialistic at first…}.  Once I got over the I AM NOT ALL ABOUT GIFTS! I came to realize that I do like the effort behind a gift, and the thoughtfulness, and I really really love the surprises.  To me, knowing me so well to know what I want/need without asking me or making me do the details is just the best gift ever.  So after reading the book my husband’s eyes opened really wide finally understanding some of the hints/whining/tips about surprises over the years and now he is really concious of this and does a great job leaving me cute notes, small gestures, random surprises, and sometimes big surprises! Yesterday was no exception! He got out of work early and decided to bring me these to my office….awwww i love him.

Happy  {early} Valentine’s Day!!

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