Anyone else afraid…

12 Jul

to have a baby because then the intimacy/sex will be gone/changed with their husband/wife?  


We have a top 5 reasons why we aren’t having a baby yet and change in our relationship is up there on the list.  I read a ton of blogs as a blogger and I am drawn to the mommyblogs because it is something that I am eager to learn more about for when I have a baby.  There are a couple trends on these mommyblogs such as breastfeeding horror stories, adjusting to baby sleep schedule, equipment/products used by mommy’s, birth stories and the lack or desire of sex in their relationship.  It is pretty consistent across all mommyblogs that it was hard work to get back on the saddle {so to speak} and that the desire that use to be there just isn’t there anymore.  I am also on a message board with women who for the most part have young children and this message is stated by these women as well.  The love and affection that usually went to the husband is now is directed towards the baby.  There is a few months of “oh my god my husband is so sexy/incredible/my hero” right after giving birth but not always rewarded with sex because as women we are still healing from the birthing experience.  I can totally see this happening and I am sure that these mommy’s read other mommy blogs and said this wouldn’t happen to us and then…of course it does because it seem inevitable.  I read this article a long time ago where pretty contraversial it stated that your partner should remain #1 in your life and your children should become #2.  This seems like the total opposite of how I was raised as the whole phrase “I would do anything for my child” summed up my mom and dad when I was younger.  How will I be when I am a mom and a wife? 

I am not a dumb person and I know that with any life change there is bound to be change in the relationship–I am just scared out of my mind that it will be for the worse.  Not wanting my husband seems unimaginable–but many women have to force themselves to have sex again.  Many women see it has an obligation rather than an intimate act between them and their partner.  Many would rather cuddle with their cute baby than with their cute husband.  One of the most refreshing and open blog posts on this subject that I have found was on a guest blogger for look at the birds .  It seemed so honest and she actually put herself out there on how she tried to spice up her sex life/increase her libido months after the birth of her daughter.  It showed me that with a little hard work and understanding from the husband that intimacy can be possible, but it still leaves me with lingering anxiety of how our relationship will change when we make the decision to add a +1 to our family. 

Anyone else have this on their list for holding back from having kids? Anyone else anxious about post-baby sex life? Any moms out there had want to share their post baby experience? Advice?


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