You think you are alone…

9 Sep

until you get a nice email from a friend you haven’t heard from in a long time and one of the sentences in the email states…

“I am just trying to figure out what to do with my life…”

and it hits you like a ton of bricks. 

me too.

I remember being 25 pretty vividly.  that year hit me like a ton of bricks because quarter of a life crisis is no joke.  mine was more about personal growth and where my personal life was going and looking back and saying, “is this where i should be at this stage of my life…” A ton of the 25 year old crisis surrounded family and starting my own family with myhusband {who at the time was a mere boyfriend..lol}.  See my entire family found true love at age 16, married at 18, 22, and 23-had a house a year after the wedding.  They then had babies by the time they were 25 so my lens of what life should look like at age 25 was incredibly skewed you can say.  Without my close friends that year to give me some perspective and be the rational one in the relationship because I certainly was all levels of crazy that year.   It took a long time to appreciate where I was at in life in the present and not what the future might hold, a long time to stop counting down to everything and just enjoy life, and a long time to be at peace of personally where I am and where I want to be. 

so by age  27 I was flying high and feeling happy, calm and for once content. glad I got over the quarter century crisis. man, life is good I would say all the time.

so when year 28 arrived I was a bit confused with this angstyness in my life. life is good so why all “eh” feelings?! Maybe because I was turning 30 “soon” was on my mind? But it never really felt it was about the number this time around.  this time it had nothing to do with the homefront it had to do with my professional career.  Where do I want this master’s degree to take me? Am I loving what I am doing? Is there something I would love even more right on the outskirts of my horizons? Do I want to switch careers? yet everytime I think of switching careers I feel the student loans guilt weigh heavily on my heart.  Is this amount of time thinking about my professional career senseless because in the end I will want to stay home with my babies? If I do stay home with my babies will I ever be able to bounce back into the working world? Do I want to further my education because watching my husband study makes me long for those days again.

these are the thoughts that run through my mind and make me realize that the larger question that I have been trying to find the answer to all year that my friend summed up in one simple sentence without even realizing it was…

“how do I figure out what I want to do with my life?”

so if this is question is hitting you like a ton of bricks as you read it…you are not alone. 

 

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One Response to “You think you are alone…”

  1. Nicole September 10, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    I know what I WANT to do with my life… But a novel doesn’t write itself and I’m so busy working at a job I don’t really like, I don’t have time for what I’m passionate about — writing. And so, I feel a bit lost myself as I see 30 approaching and I wonder if I’ll have a novel written by the time I’m 60. There, I vented. Ha, ha. But you’ll find what you’re meant to do. And for now — as hard as it is — try to enjoy the journey there. (But, yeah, easier said than done). 🙂 Happy Friday!!!

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