Unknown fears…

7 May

Today is day 7 of our blogging in May adventure (a whole week people!). Fist pump!

Day 7: The thing(s) you’re most afraid of…

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pretty sunset while on vacation in the Outerbanks

ACK! I feel that my blog is normally so light and airy and these past couple posts have really been deep inner thoughts.  It isn’t a bad thing it just feels so…different.  I am surprised by how hard it is to write everyday, but mostly how hard it is to open up with these questions on the blog.  I have tried to write this post a couple of times and I find myself feeling pretty vulnerable.  It isn’t that I don’t want to share my thoughts on this blog, but sharing my fears is a pretty big step in a relationship. Are we ready to dive into talking about fears?

Ready or not I am diving in. It may have taken me a few tries to write the blog, but it didn’t take me long to know what I am most afraid of in this world.  The thing about fears I believe is that as you get older your fears become stronger because you become wiser and more knowledgable (you hope).  With new wisdom and knowledge comes more questions and worries. Anyone with me on this?

The thing that I am most afraid of in this whole entire world is the unknown.  The unknown of what is in that dark basement.  The unknown of who is in the garage late a night.  The unknown about my future.  The unknown about how my decisions now will impact my life (and the lives of others) in the future.   The unknown of who my daughter will become.  The unknown of making good choices for our family. The unknown about death and the afterlife.  The unknown about losing loved ones I cherish.  The unknown.

I know that being afraid is rooted in the fact that I like to have a plan and have some direction and a somewhat clear path in life.  Having a plan and having answers puts me at ease and helps me stay in control.  I know there is great excitement in being spontaneous and going with gusto into the unknown–but honestly it scares the crap out of me.  My mind normally goes into a million directions when thinking about the unknown and I start to feel that my foundation becomes shaky and unfocused.  A lot of times it leaves me thinking worst case scenario when it comes to the unknown.  Not all the time, but enough to call it my biggest fear.  Being afraid is not a pretty look on me.

So there you have it the thing that I am most afraid of in the world.  Super upbeat, right? The upside to my fears is that I get a chance to face them and grow for them. I will never have the answers to the unknown, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t embrace the fear at times.  For instance turn on the light before you go to the basement silly! Don’t park in the garage girl! Forget about the future and live in the moments with my family sista!.  Well, you get the picture of putting on my big girl pants and facing the unknown. Maybe tomorrow…

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